Wednesday, November 9, 2016

"What the f*** am I doing back here?" and some other thoughts.

"What the f*** am I doing back here?"

That was exactly what I was thinking when I was standing at Helsinki's airport with my backpack on trying to see my friend who was picking me up. 

In Vietnam I decided to go back to Finland during the summer and as my last gig at the Escape bar came closer I got more and more excited about seeing my friends again and experiencing at least a piece of Finnish summer. As I got closer and closer to Finland my feelings some how got way more mixed. I mean seeing my friends felt still cool but being back in Finland started to feel a bit distressing. Let me explain myself a bit more. I did visit Finland during the summer 2015 but back then I had enough money to just get back on the road again and that was extremely liberating. 

Now I was in Finland in a situation where I needed to come up with a plan how to obtain some money. I couldn't just hop onboard and fly some where. So, there I was standing at the airport, homeless, jobless but mortgageless. But the most important thing is that despite all the uncertainty about the future I felt content regarding and due the journey. To be honest uncertainty is something I have learned to embrace.

I must admit that being back in my hometown felt really weird and almost discomfortable for some time. Now that I've been here already quite a while it's getting easier. Like all the bloggers&backpackers always tell it's really hard to be back since no one actually quite understands what you have experienced and accomplished. It's also interesting how some people actually feel the urge to understate the things you've done. I didn't expect any extraordinary curiosity but just genuine interest and respect. I mean I have been interested to know how things are here and if/what have changed. I also want to state that I don't feel special or that I have done something greater than others, I have just been away for 26 six months, that's all. Sometimes I do also get carried away with my stories a bit but mostly with people that aren't that dear to me...muahhahaha.

Some people have asked if I have changed during the journey. I have to say that I have. I have never been a big whiner but during my journey I have realised that I actually have no right to complain at all. I've seen such poverty combined to certain happiness that It has kind of blown me away. It's also really interesting how the people who have the least are the most willing to share. Coming from Finland with such high standards of living and safety nets I almost felt ashamed couple of times. I mean I don't need to be ashamed for being born in Finland since I had nothing to do with it but our consuming and wasting life style kind of felt embarrassing at times.

I'm grateful how content I am now with so few items for example. I have never been hugely materialistic but selling my apartment, getting rid of excess stuff and spending 26 months on the road have wiped out even the slightest materialism there was. I just need a bed, a table a guitar and my laptop to have basically everything I need. Okay, I do still need a computer and a guitar so I'm not totally immaterial yet ;)

My journey of course also stripped me from a number of prejudices. I'm not gonna tell the what they were but let's just say that there some. Something that I also gained on my journey was some kind of faith in humanity even though I also lost some of it. I'm actually not sure if I gained it more than I lost. It was dependable on where I was but yes, there's still  a lot of extremely helpful and honest people out there. My deepest respects to all of you and to all the people&strangers that helped me during my journey. There's so many of you that I won't even try to list you.

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